Tomorrow is Christmas. Many of us will be celebrating with family. As someone whose parents are divorced, I will go visit my Mom and have dinner over her house.
This year has been very different. It began poorly due to learning about the loss of someone who I knew growing up. They lost their battle with cancer. That was very hard on me. Especially with them being a couple of years younger. Their father also went the same way two decades prior.
When I went to the greeting card place over in our shopping center, I was pretty torn up. I remember going up to the girl at the register and telling her how bad I felt. She was really nice. I could tell she understood. I also noticed what she was wearing. She looked really good on that Sunday.
As I left the store, I wondered if I’d ever see her again. I figured probably not, knowing my luck. Little did I know at that time.
When I attended the wake with my brother, it was really hard. Especially seeing people who were our next-door neighbors while growing up. I spoke to all of them and tried my best to help in any way I could. Saying goodbye was even harder. I won’t say anything else.
After that night, I was in a downward spiral. My anxiety had been out of control. I was having panic attacks. I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was eating wrong and hardly had the desire to leave my room. That’s how bad it got.
When you’re depressed, you feel hopeless. Even the poems I wrote were dark. I was describing that darkness in my melancholy words. Even our Dad grew concerned. He asked me if I was okay. I knew the answer. Of course, I acted like I was. Faking it can be easy when you’re in that mental state.
As down as I was, I wasn’t suicidal. I never have been. Anxiety just takes a lot out of you. I was using my writing to cope. I still wrote about the Rangers on my hockey blog. The issue was that I was bored. I knew something had to change. I was headed down the wrong path.
In February, I went back to the greeting card store. I played a couple of scratch offs. The girl wasn’t there the the first couple of days. However, that changed when I visited another time. The most interesting part was when I was waiting to get my one scratch off, she told her coworker, “I got this.” It definitely made me think. She must’ve recognized me. I thought it was nice.
It’s the middle of February and I get back to my car. Suddenly, my mind was different. She had me thinking. There was something about her. Maybe it was the way she took charge. Or perhaps it was how enthusiastic she was. It made me realize something. If she could have that positive outlook and attitude at her job, what was my problem? Something clicked.
It still took a while for me to make the lifestyle changes I needed to. However, when I went into that store, I started greeting her more. I’d always ask how she was doing. She responded well. Eventually, she’d ask me how I was by the time April rolled around. Building a rapport with her was nice. It really helped me.
When I went for my blood work, I knew my numbers would be bad. I was eating wrong and barely surviving. When the results came back, it confirmed what I’d already known. High cholesterol. Pre-diabetic. There was a lot of stuff that had to change.
I made a vow. Never again. I started slowly by going to a park I like. It was cold and windy. I didn’t do much walking. But it was progress. As far as my diet, I made dramatic changes. No more junk. I switched to a lot of salads, fruit, yogurt, chicken, and eggs. I had to do it.
While I was able to do it, I really felt the girl at the store helped motivate me. The more we spoke, the better I felt. Sometimes, it’s the people we least expect that can have an impact. She had a positive effect.
My writing dramatically changed. I was no longer depressed. I was more positive and felt better. After going back to the gym to test myself, I decided to start doing walks. As the weather got better in May, I was going to parks daily to get them in. It really helped improve my energy.
Between eating better and exercising, I finally was on the right track. I kept going to the store to buy my one or two scratch offs. She was usually there to greet me. Sometimes with a smile. It was nice. Before Memorial Day, I wished her and her coworker I got along with well. She had a big grin. I’ll never forget it.
Sometimes, it pays to treat people nicely. I never looked at her as someone who only worked there. I treated her like a person. That’s because I respected her. I could tell that she was good at her job and had great qualities. Maybe that’s why I liked her. I’m pretty good at reading people. I wasn’t wrong, either.
By June, I went back to the gym. It became part of my routine. Between the time spent there and some days at the park, I got into good shape by the summer. I felt like a different person. It was the best I’d felt in a while.
The pandemic made me lazy and contributed to my malaise. The fools who locked everything down never took into consideration people who battle mental health. They didn’t care and still don’t. I’m thankful that there’s more awareness attached to the stigma. Real people care.
I actually did something for the Fourth of July. After taking a ride with my friend to the city, we had sushi at a great restaurant and then stopped off to catch some fireworks by the harbor. It was fantastic. The view was spectacular. I got so many great shots. I still have them saved.
A day or two later, I showed the girl the pics and one of the videos. She loved it. When I asked what she did, she said she stayed home and watched the Macy’s Fireworks on TV. It was a good conversation before I left.
It was the beginning of August. I saw her that night. She excitedly told me she was out of there. When I got home, I wondered what she meant. She isn’t like that. So. I figured something was up. I wondered if she took a vacation or left for school.
When she wasn’t there the next day for her regular shift, I thought it was the latter. At that moment, I decided to get her a card. I figured maybe by some miracle, I could get the card to her. In it, I expressed some of my thoughts about what I thought of her, including how she helped me. I also wished her luck with school. How wrong that proved to be. As it turned out, she’s out of school.
Two weeks later, I was in the shopping center about to go back to the store for my usual scratch off. I thought I saw her car, but I didn’t think much. I figured I’d never see her again. When I went in, there she was, to my surprise. I told her what I thought. As it turned out, she went on a cruise. I told her she deserved it. She thanked me. I also told her I got her a card. She again thanked me. It was definitely a pleasant conversation.
Considering how hard she worked, she sure earned that vacation. She’s always there, putting in her hours and even closes the store on two days. At that point, I realized how much she meant to me. Even if it felt like just a friendship formed at a store over the year, I genuinely liked her. She always responded well. When I finally gave her the card a couple of weeks later, she again thanked me. She later told me she thought it was sweet.
Somehow, the summer was coming to a close. It was September. I had begun showing her some of my poems I write. She pointed out how much she liked the background, which made it look like a greeting card. She really loved how I always managed to get great pictures of the sunset. Along with the sky, ocean, and moon, those are my specialties.
I’ve always loved nature. For a while, I got away from my true passion. I became sedentary. The opposite of who I was. That contributed to my anxiety. It took one very nice girl to change that. Something I expressed to her. You never know where you’ll draw inspiration from. She’s that person for me.
One day, I randomly asked if she had a birthday during the summer. She said she didn’t. It was coming up in October. When she told me the date, I lit up. Her birthday is a day before my brother’s. It also was the same day as one of our friends. Of course, I remembered it. In addition to getting my brother three cards and birthday balloons for a little surprise, I got her a birthday card, too. They gave her the entire weekend off.
When I saw her again later that week, I asked how her birthday was and gave her the card. She later told me she loved the card. I always pick out good ones at the store. They have a great selection. Plus, they’re half off. I’ve always liked that store. Now, I had a different reason entirely for that.
By that point, we knew each other by name. I didn’t always call her by it due to thinking she worked there. Before I celebrated my birthday earlier this month, I popped into the store for one scratch off and picked some birthday numbers for fun. She asked how my birthday was. I smiled and told her it’s early. There’s a weekend. Her coworker asked how old I was. I said old. I probably should’ve let her guess. I don’t look old. I don’t act it either.
With Christmas around the corner, I got her a card along with her coworker. I bought a birthday card for a friend prior and then picked up some Christmas cards for my friends. If this were last year, I wouldn’t have done it. There was no joy. I no longer feel that way.
Even having been diagnosed with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), which has brought back anxiety and other issues, I no longer get down. If I can get out every day and do something, then that’s half the battle. Some days can suck. But I have been getting to the gym more to help cope. It isn’t easy.
When I stopped by the store on Christmas Eve, they were getting ready to close. All I wanted to do was give her her card along with her coworker, who’s a good guy. They really appreciated it. We wished each other Merry Christmas. As I was leaving, she said thank you by my name. That was three days this week that she did.
I don’t know what to think. She’s obviously very personable and easy to talk to. I’ve thought about asking if she’d like to catch up some time outside. It doesn’t matter if it’s as friends or whatever. I really like her and care about her. She’s a really great person. Whether it goes anywhere, who knows. I don’t want to ruin what we have, either. If I do talk to her, it has to be when she gets off work.
If I had a wish for Christmas, it would be to spend some time with her next year. I never develop such strong feelings for someone. But I find her attractive, cool, and stylish. I wish her nothing but the best for Christmas. She’s a true shining star.
Derek
HITTING BACK 